At camp this weekend, we tried to drive the Odyssey up the hill to the rec center. But the icy hill and hairpin curves foiled us, and we had to back down the hill. Our camp friends fired up two John Deere Gators--one of which I got to drive. Liam LOVED the Gators, but little did he know that his mommy loved driving them even more. There's another "first" on my list--driving a John Deere. And ENJOYING it. Yikes! Never saw that one comin'.

C is for cookie

So, I've been singing "C is for cookie" --but changing the letter to suit my kids' names and sing about them--for about 5 years now.

Today after lunch we cleaned up our places and sat down to eat our cookies for dessert. We were talking 'Cookie Monster' (me like cookie, um, um, um) when Liam asked me to sing "L is for Liam", then "E is for Elli", I had to ad-lib "A is for Addi" because I've not sung that to her yet. After I finished, Liam started singing "J is for mommy". (You think I was going to stop and correct him? No way--I totally knew what he meant and there was no stinkin' way I was going to stop his song because I couldn't wait to hear what he came up with!)

"J is for mommy, she is a really good mommy" (yes, I was sobbing by this point)
"J is for mommy, she likes purple"
"J is for mommy, she likes candies that are chocolate"
"Oh J is for mommy, mommy, mommy.

I even got a second verse, but I can't remember any of it. It was just totally unexpected and sweet. Especially after we had a bit of a 'rough' morning.

Even more shocking--I can't believe how well he knows me--even the second verse was spot-on things about just me. Not generic like "she is a girl" or "she has yellow hair". Shocking because children are totally ego-centric until between ages 4-6. Liam's not yet 5.

That, and a bunch of other things I can't talk about here, really made my day today. Speaking of C is for cookie...I'm gonna go get me 'nother cookie before the kids wake up from their naps. See ya!

I miss bonfires!

It's winter, but summer's comin'!

My big little stack of 'dirty' books

I'm so thankful our local library has self-checkout. If I had taken this mammoth stack of sex books to a librarian to check out for, I think they would have been mortified. And rightly so.

I can just imagine one of them leaping over to the computer system to 'flag' my account as a possible sex fiend after checking out the titles I did. Then using Purell to cleanse their hands and eyes from what they had just been subjected to looking at. And I picked the 'tame' titles! There were a few steamy ones I had to make myself put back on the shelves. Some were inappropriate and some were perplexing to this aspiring sex kitten. Meow?

For each LAB meeting, I endeavor to provide as many resources as possible on the topic at hand. In preparation for Monday night's LAB meeting (on returning to intimacy after baby--or the sex pep-talk) I wanted to have a wide variety of marriage, intimacy, communication, and sex books available for anyone brave enough to come to the meeting.

Here is what I checked out:

• The Sex-Starved Marriage: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido by Michele Weiner Davis


• The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger


• Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality by Rob Bell


• Sometimes I Wake Up Grumpy... and Sometimes I Let Him Sleep by Karen Scalf Linamen


• Sex 101: Getting Your Sex Life Off to a Great Start by Clifford & Joyce Penner


• Five Essentials for Lifelong Intimacy by Dr. James Dobson


• Now What?: The Chapman Guide to Marriage After Children by Gary Chapman


• Living Romantically Every Day by Barbara Taylor Bradford


• the Seventeen guide to SEX and YOUR BODY by Sabrina Solin


• Sex on the Brain: The Biological Differences Between Men and Women by Deborah Blum


• The Marriage you've Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman


• The Four Seasons of Marriage by Gary Chapman


• Is That All He Thinks About?: How to Enjoy Great Sex with Your Husband by Marla Taviano (my friend with whom I went to college)
  


• Every Man's Battle: Every Man's Guide to...Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker with Mike Yorkey

• Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex?: More Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Whiskey Sour by Mark Leyner and Dr. Billy Goldberg (this book is hilarious, and is apparently a sequel to Why Do Men Have Nipples? Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini--I've gotta get this book too!)

I've also read and reviewed Sex Begins in the Kitchen: Because Love is an All-Day Affair and Is there Really Sex After Kids? on the blog before.

So, I'd love to sit and chat, but I have some reading to do. Then a husband...to...cough...cough...giggle...do.

you know you're an old fart when...

...Virginia Woolf's insane proliferations are more appealing to you than the Grammy's.

Cooking up a storm

Cold weather outside is my perfect excuse to fire up the oven inside.

Saturday night I whipped up some spinach artichoke dip for Dan and I to enjoy while watching "Hero". Oh...it was amazing. The dip, that is. I'd share the recipe but I don't cook from recipes, so...sorry! I liked the movie a lot too. And the Cap'n Morgan...

Sunday I put an eye of round roast in the oven to slow-cook all day, made hand-mashed champ and organic green bean casserole. This meal tasted so much like childhood Sundays to me that I ate two platefuls and forced myself not to indulge in a third.

This afternoon I wandered into the realm of brownies from scratch. I just cannot help myself from adding health to everything I cook, however. And although I could have easily made a dense, gooey, moist, buttery decadence of a batch of brownies, I "snuck" in pumpkin puree and raisins, while cutting down the sugar and butter called for in the recipe. They're smashing with a glass okf milk, cup of coffee, slathered in natural peanut butter, Fluff, some leftover chocolate frosting, or Cool Whip.

Ding!

I just had the most serious epiphany.

THE INTERNET IS THE NEW ANSWERING MACHINE

Seriously. We shut our laptops to go watch TV (or in some cases go play video games) then run back afterwards to check and see what we 'missed' while we were 'gone'. We sleep at night just to wake up in the morning and check in to see what went on overnight.

This is just crazy to me.

(Or maybe I should re-arrange that last sentence to say 'me is just this to[o] crazy'?)

Friday night

It's Friday night. 7:45pm. We have all 3 kids in bed. Not asleep yet, but in bed. Here's our convo: (I never use the word convo to mean conversation, but my friend H does, and it cracks me up)

J: Is the library still open?
D: No, it closes at 5 on Fridays
J: Poor planning, no movie to watch
D: Lah-dee-da...dum--dee-dum...
J: You have gift cards--you should go shopping
D: I wanted to go shopping earlier, but I knew the kids were beyond it
J: You are allowed to have alone time
D: I have alone time all day at work--you need alone time
J: Hey, if you will enjoy yourself and have fun, go do it
D: I'll probably come back without anything. I don't understand why I'm so picky lately--I never want to buy anything
J: It's because we realize the value of our money--we don't spend it on just any old crap because we feel like spending. It's all Dave Ramsey's fault
D: laugh--yeah. It's true though
J: GO. Have fun. I'll read a book and chill out or something

fade

A virtual thank you

In response to this

Dear FRIEND,

Whoever you are, you have made me curiouser than George.

First of all, when I received a card from A FRIEND, I immediately knew it was something good, but something in me was wary. Why don't you want me to know who you are?

Secondly, instead of being thankful for the fun gift, my type A brain immediately had to work at figuring out who you are. I mean, I was examining the envelope for "clues", postal markings, comparing the envelope to the card, looking for hairs stuck in the hot glue, fingerprints on the gift cards, sniffing the insert for any giveaway scents (??? I'm not even sure I would know what that would be either--coffee, Pert Plus, un-showered morning breath--who knows?). It was almost sick how totally zealous and determined I was to figure out who you are! Then I started wondering who would have one $20 Meijer gift card and two $10 Toys/Babies R Us gift cards--or who would go to the two separate stores to purchase them as such. Seriously--my brain went into hyperactive over-drive trying to figure this one out.

THEN--trying to figure out what to buy. OHHHH! The struggle. I seriously--literally--spent 3 hours on-line looking at the Toys R Us website trying to figure out what to buy. Then I spent an hour at the Toys R Us store all by myself, and still came home with nothing. I over-analyzed the entire purchase so much I couldn't even make a decision much less a purchase!

Meijer--that was only slightly tough. I had to keep myself out of the kitchen section--although a splurge for me, I was afraid anything purchased there might qualify as "wisely" and I was REALLY afraid of the punishment you threatened if I chose to spend the gift card that way. I mean, I'm sure you were hiding around the corner, in disguise holding up a newspaper with two eye slits cut in it or sitting up in the security booth watching me on camera to see what I picked out. Right?

I ended up buying myself a pair of New Balance sneakers I found in the clearance section for only $15--then I added a $6 organic cotton long-sleeved T-shirt to give me almost an entire "new" outfit--totally frivolous, and definitely for me alone.

On my third trip to Toys R Us, I landed on an item for our family. I chose the game "Perfection" as it was something I remember enjoying as a kid. So far, my kids have only fought over it, so it's tucked away for another year or two until they can play and enjoy it rather than fight over it. It's a sentimental and totally frivolous purchase as I could have easily nickel and dimed the gift cards on clearance crappo, but instead decided to go old school and get something I remembered from my childhood that maybe my kids will one day remember too. And after the countless hours I spent searching for just the right item, I thought it would be piquant to choose "Perfection".

Now, dear FRIEND, I have given up on trying to figure out who you are. Although I have my short-list of guesses. I'm just waiting for you to burst out "gotcha, it was ME" one of these times we're together.

But it would be much more scintillating if you never reveal yourself and I can continue to treat everyone as if you were my FRIEND.

Sincerely,

Jenna Scott

I got RAK'd (RAK = Random Act of Kindness)

A few days before Christmas, I got a letter in the mail.

Inside the envelope I found a Christmas card with 3 gift cards hot glued to it and a color-printed insert that explained this surprise gift. It said:

Merry Christmas

Jenna, please accept these gift cards under the following conditions::

The Meijer Gift Card -

1. This must be used on you alone or on you and Dan.


2. It MUST be spent frivolously (Eg. Bottle of wine and fancy dessert-that is if you decide to share with Dan.)


3. If I find out that you spend this "wisely" you will be punished.

The Toys/Babies R Us Gift Cards -

1. These must be used on the kids or a family item.


2. These MUST not be spent on something practical (Eg. No diapers)


3. If I find out that you spent these "wisely" you will be punished.

LOVE, A FRIEND



OK. Whoever did this, first of all, thank you for this completely unexpected and fun $40 of shopping. You totally floored me. You got me. You made me cry, you booger!

Second of all, I LOVE A CHALLENGE! And, I haven't been reading mystery books since I was 8 for nothin'!

********* THE CLUES *********

• The letter was addressed to me in all all caps, blue ink, medium point pen--Bic I think. The writing appeared to be male--possibly a wife asked her husband to address it so her handwriting wouldn't give her away? Or a guy sent it, awkward, but still thoughtful.


• The return address area only revealed that it was from "A FRIEND".


• The USPS printing only revealed that it was from a Grand Rapids zip code beginning with the numbers 493. (That means it was mailed in Ada?)


• Hmmm...only someone with extensive glue-gun knowledge was able to attach the gift cards.


• Not to mention computer saavy to get the instructions to fit exactly to the card's interior. And the red and green letter-alternating-patterning was perfectly done--either someone is very good or has waaaaay too much time on their hands. And I don't know anyone with too much time on their hands, so it has to be the former.


• Knows my spouse's name is Dan.


• Knows we aren't teetotalers (hence the bottle of wine comment), yet doesn't know that I don't care for wine unless it's in a highly fruited and very juiced sangria.


• Someone knows me very well in that they knew my first, second, and third thoughts upon seeing the gift cards would be, "sweet! We can get 1/2 tank of gas with the Meijer card and a case of diapers with Babies R Us cards!" Good thing you put the rules in place.


• I'm wondering how you are going to know how I spend these gift cards and whether or not I'll need to be punished. And you must feel pretty comfortable with me to threaten punishment!

I have a few guesses as to who is "A FRIEND" rolling around in my head. (ooh, misplaced modifier! I don't have a friend rolling around in my head, but I do have some guesses rolling around in my head)

I think the point, though, is not to find out who "did this to me", but rather to gracefully accept an unexpected gift. And to step outside my normal pragmatic and thrifty self to enjoy a little self-indulgence at someone else's expense.

Thank you, FRIEND. For knowing me enough to set the "conditions", for caring enough to take the time to make receiving this card so much fun for me, for giving me $40 + the cost of a stamp which you could have very well spent on yourself or your own family, for sharing humbly via anonymity.

it's so not fair

when Dan just gets to jet-set off to Orlando for a weekend to work and I have to stay home with the 3 kids.

Yes I'm being a baby. Yes I'm bitching. Yes I'm jealous. Yes I'm dreading it already. Yes I have issues. Yes, I'll get over it. But not for a while.

dammit it's so not fair.

Sneak Peek

This post won't go up on LAB until Saturday. But I thought it was a fairly decent piece of writing with some amazing photography by Dan. The "Journal Entry" header was created by Nate. I love collaboration!

Virtual friendships

Dan and I have been talking about a lot of things lately. But one topic regularly pops up that really intrigues me. This phenomenon of virtual friendships. Wheedling your way into relationships based on commonality by what you own, what you do, what you enjoy, etc. Instantly, you are linked for life to everyone else who knows and also owns or likes the same kind of car you drive, which type of computer you own, which gaming system you use, what cities you travel to, music you listen to, have the same number of kids, attend(ed) the same school or church, work at the same place, or were at an event you attend probably just to take pictures so you can post them online. Oh, the infinite vastness of the blogospheres. At the drop of a few bucks, purchase of a certain item, or a registration of any type--BAM, instant community!

Do we not remember how to start, cultivate and grow friendships IRL any more? Has our human-ness atrophied this much?

Often this type of community seems so cheap and inauthentic to me. My personal persuasion is that I only become online friends with people I already know IRL. I'm not really in the market for shiny new, surfacey, dollar-store friendships based on me driving a Honda Odyssey van, currently reading Diane Mott Davidson, listening to Christmas music on iTunes, or because I enjoy cooking, travel, and discovering new places.

And I'm even more __________(verb) with people who keep seeking out these disposable friendships and forsaking the real life people right in front of them.

What? You don't have U2 listed as your favorite band anymore? Ba-bye. You decided Apple is not the almighty? Blasphemer--I can no longer IM with you. You didn't like the comment I wrote on your blog and I'll never hear from you again? Um...OK? You misread what I was trying to tell you in an e-mail and you deleted me off your Facebook friendlist?

Or--on the flip side. I don't have any friends, I think I'll go buy some. Hm--if I decide to go to space camp to become an astronaut I'll instantly have tons and tons of friends who are also going to be flying to the moon. Yeah, I like that idea. I'll do that. I don't have as many friends on Facebook as __________(insert name), I'd better fill out more personal information so more people will find me and I can beef up to become a super-friend. People haven't been commenting on my blog, I'd better read and comment on theirs to drum up some traffic. Or maybe I'll re-design, or move to a new "location" and start over.

I think I'm just really disgusted with people these days who are living virtual lives instead of real ones. I mean, heaven forbid the power go out or the internet go down for a few hours or days--some people just about lose their lunch when they're so "unconnected" to the "outside world".

I'll be the first one to raise my hand and admit I've gone through times of addiction to virtual community. It's so empty. I've never been one to look at or be addicted to porn, but I have a feeling it's on the same plane and a lot more justifiable and a lot less taboo than porn. Shame on me. Shame on all of us who fall prey to the cheap electronic relationships we seek and pursue online deceiving ourselves that they will be just as fulfilling IRL as well.

When we step away from our computer screens, we're awfully exposed, aren't we? Are you practicing your human-ness so that if the network ever implodes you'll still be able to converse with people, and want to? Can you still hand-write letters? Communicate with and comprehend people's non-verbals? Weather the rough times with people rather than just signing off and changing your screen name, getting a new e-mail address or blog, and clicking on "Register me now" for a new life?

Sugar-FREE advent calendar giveaway

Growing up, our family counted down to Christmas using a special advent…piece…my mom had cross-stitched just for us. There were 24 plastic rings sewn onto this piece to hold tiny candy canes. Each day, one of the four kids would rotate getting to take and eat a candy cane off the calendar.

As we got older (and wiser?) we demanded better candy than tiny, boring old candy canes. I’ll never forget my mom Scotch-taping holiday colored Hershey’s kisses to each ring by the little Hershey’s kiss flag in each candy. Or the fact that our dog, Cinders, ate all the candies–wrappers and all–while we were at church one Sunday.

Last year my brother, Greg, brought home a Starbucks advent calendar complete with tiny numbered red drawers and stocked with milk and dark chocolates. We all enjoyed eating our way to Christmas, but it was so short-lived and meaningless to me. I had the creative urge to tap the potential this $14.95 little calendar was tempting me with. (They’re $15.95 this year–yikes!)

So, this year, when I pulled out the advent box, my kids started the chorus of, “ooooh, caaaandy!”

But I quickly squelched that dream. I told them that instead of candy this year, we were going to pull out little pieces of paper that would tell the Christmas story day-by-day throughout the month of December. They weren’t as excited about that idea, but they were intrigued. I’ll take intrigued and run with it.

I have visions of a hand-made storybook with kiddie-drawn pictures illustrating each day’s snippet of the new-to-them odyssey. Of my kids really getting Christmas. Of them being able to recite the story from Luke 2 by memory just a few short years from now. Of them looking forward to reading the familiar story every year and if filling them to the brim with excitement and giving them goosebumps every time they read it. Of Jesus is the Reason for the Season being more than a clever rhyme.

I’m offering a FREE advent calendar complete with kid’s version of the Christmas story to one lucky LAB reader. If you are interested in winning this prize, you’ve got to hurry as Dec 1 is just around the corner! Leave me an insightful comment and I’ll pick the one that strikes a chord with me most as the winner on Friday December 30. I’ll either deliver or mail the calendar to the winner!

A Joey Lawrence "whoa!"

So, I was checking the LABlog stats today and was like "how come like a zillion people are reading this one article? Hmm....wonder where all these referrals are coming from?"

The nice thing about Wordpress is that it will answer those questions by letting you know who is referring readers to your posts.

I clicked and almost wet my panties. LAB is linked to a Wall Street Journal article today!

I can't take credit--it's linked to an article Diane wrote. She deserves all the credit. Nice job, Diane! Congrats on being published on LAB, and linked to the WSJ online!

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB119507669361593207.html?mod=hps_us_editors_picks

FREE MOVIE! FREE TURKEY!

I’m not usually a coupon-user or gimmick-getter, but this week I was. My neighbor gives us her Sunday paper each week after reading all the sections she’s interested in. I clip coupons, read the comics, study the grocery store ads, then recycle. I don’t use the coupons unless it’s for an item I was already planning to get and it offers me additional savings, but this week I was glad I had clipped and saved all those annoying little bits of paper.


This week at D&W and Spartan Stores, if you purchased 10 General Mills products in one purchase, you would get 2 free tickets to go so Bee Movie. That’s an OK deal–but that’s a lot of [expensive] products. Thankfully, select General Mills cereals and fruit snacks were on sale this week–10 for $20. Still a little pricey, but with additional coupons and my re-used brown bags, I ended up walking out of the store with 9 boxes of cereal, 1 box of fruit snacks, and 2 free tickets (up to $24) to see Bee Movie for $16!

********************CONTEST ALERT!*******************
Now I just have to hive off a friend to go with me to see Bee Movie. If you’re buzzed to see a honey of a film with me for FREE, leave me a comment on this post and pick a number between 1 and 100. I’ll have my antennae up to see who is closest to my number and will get to bee my Bee Movie friend! Contest ends November 20. (Please, no stinging remarks about my waspish use of puns)
*********************************************************

Meijer was also running a special–if you bought a Rival roaster oven for $30, you also got a free chef’s knife and free turkey. I got the roaster oven, but they were sold out of the chef’s knives. I did get the 17 pound turkey, though. Using a $20 Meijer gift card from an ICR taste-test, I left Meijer with a new $45 roaster oven [wish I could brag about the $10 knife too, but oh well] and $25 turkey for just $10 out of my pocket!

Combination and planning. Find a deal, a sale, plus all the coupons you can muster, return soda cans and bottles, re-use brown grocery bags, and you’ll walk away from a store with more stuff and more money!

The first flap

Ohhhhh...I've got the first chap-flap of the season.

You know, when your lips get chapped and you get that really big, hard chunk of lip skin that your front teeth are instinctively trying to grasp onto and rip off and leave a large, painful gaping hole of raw flesh exposed. That sticks up and gets caught every time you close your mouth our rub your lips together. That practically snags your tongue while you're talking.

It's taking all my willpower not to rip it off, but I know how painful it will be as soon as I do it. I keep putting on chap stick to help soften it, but I know it's there and every now and then I find my teeth creeping out to grasp the little flap.

"No, no don't do it", I scream inside my head. Think of the burning you will feel while trying to eat salt & vinegar potato chips around that gargantuan lip hole. Hot chocolate a little too hot straight onto raw, opened flesh-wound. Worse yet the dry, achey-cakey of trying to cover the hole with lipstick. Oh...resist! Resist!

Besides, we all know the little flap never tastes as satisfying and good as we think it will--even if it's Cherry flavor.

a meditation on medication

This article at Postpartum Progress and recent human interactions in my life spawned this journal entry below.

I have a friend who has recently contacted me about the possibility of having PPD. The crazy thing is, she hasn’t even had her baby yet? Isn’t that crazy? You can’t suffer from PPD if you haven’t had a baby yet, right?

WRONG! SO WRONG! HOW IGNORANT ARE YOU?

Anyone can suffer a perinatal (that means during pregnancy or after birth) mood disorder. I did during my third pregnancy. And I think my friend is too.

It’s hard to give advice on what to do. I listen to myself talking to her and bet my words are just bouncing right out of her overly-stimulated, feeling-all-clogged-up ears, or that she sees my lips moving but her haze-riddled mood-muddled eyes just can’t make out the words. She knows she’s not her, her brain is telling her that, but it’s also sedating her to the point where there’s nothing more she can really do about it.

I’ve been there too. That’s how I know. I remember. And quiver. Like when you remember having a terrible flu with violent vomiting. It makes you quiver, shiver, and wish you never have to go through it again. And that no one else will have to either.

I have urged her on several occasions to talk to her doctor immediately. She’s complacent and waiting until her next appointment.

I say “you don’t have to suffer, you don’t have to struggle”, yet she chooses to grit her teeth and claw her way through another disheartening day. We can only make choices for ourselves although if I had my way I’d drive her straight to her doctor and walk her into the office proclaiming the dire straits of her daily life and demanding some darn-good care.

But I can’t do that. You’d never let me. I might even spend a night in the slammer if I try a stunk like that. But know I’m on you like a HAWK, my friend. I’m not letting you get away with suffering when there are so many options, so many therapies, so much support and reasons not to suffer. That is one good thing about living here and now. You have options. There is help availble. You don’t have to suffer. Amen and than you Jesus!

I found grace in a lot of areas–praying friends, family, support groups, psychiatry, books, an understanding spouse, but most of all in a little blue pill called Zoloft. I hate that I have to have medication to keep me ‘balanced’ and normal, but that is the reality of my life right now. I’m not strong enough to do all the other things in my life to achieve the balance I really long for. Someday, when the choices I make are all my own, when I’m not ruled, run, and ravished by raising kids I’ll be able to be more proactive about being healthy. Drinking oceans of water, walking and exercising, preparing healthy energizing foods for every meal, eating every meal, getting copious amounts of sleep, initiating life-giving social interactions, reading soul-stuffing books, and maybe even writing one too!

But until then, I take my little (now it’s yellow because I’ve switched to generic because of the cost factor) yellow pill every morning and send up a prayer for a good day while the little yellow pill slides down my throat with a gulp of tepid water.

Killin' me softly

This is what's got me in the crapper today:
~Elli peeing (not just a little sprinkle-tinkle. Like adult-sized bladder emptying here folks) on my parent's brand new $1k pillow-topper mattress
~Addi pooping on the cushion of the window-seat at my parent's brand new home
~Rubbing in the "miracle cream" that doesn't seem to be doing jack
~listening to the breaks squeal and squeak each time I slow to a stop and agonizing over how the heck to make time to go get them fixed and then pay for them
~needing new windshield wipers
~watching Encore stagger around with an arched back, lame back end, and shake his painful ear

This is the good stuff that's not really lifting my spirits although it should be:
~Dan's day off
~iminent trip to the library
~full tank of gas
~parents in town
~LAB meeting tonight
~warmer day
~I have a van
~my family is safe and healthy
~we have food to eat and water to drink
~our internet is working right now
~Elli didn't need a shot today
~I am

rilly random

Saturday night sees me in the parking lot of D&W using internet. What is up with my neighbors going away for the weekend and turning off their wireless? Is that why it's not working? I don't get it.

Sigh.

I left the house with bloodcurdling screams propelling me to the quiet of my Odyssey. Oh Elli, how can I help you?

Made a snack for tonight's CD-less release party. I made 100 pigs in a blanket, which cost us a total of $5.50. I love deals! The live music at the party was fantastic--so fun. I couldn't believe I attended a church that would throw a CD release party--how cool are we? I just told my parents there was an after-church pot-luck--they just don't get our generation.

Our kids are growing--as in out of their shoes. Elli got a pair of fuzzy pink boots for her birthday, Liam needed new sneaks, and needs new winter boots. He's 4 and wears size 12--the next size is boys/mens sizes. Gulp. Little dude isn't so little anymore.

Had the best time every with my friend Roxy at the zoo. It was moviesque to watch our kids play, talk, and interact with each other. Say goodbye as if they had always been and would always be best buds. Picking up where we left off and talking a million miles a minute the entire time and turning a 12 minute zoo into a 2 hour epic story-telling session of each others' lives to date. Rox, you are just the best!

Sparkly jeans are out for the season. Had to wear them tonight and masquerade as a rock-star. Someone asked me if Dan was singing tonight, and I said "no". I was really sad at that realization. I hope work/life slows down a bit so he can sing again--I didn't realize how much I miss seeing him on stage and singing along with him as he leads worship. He really knows how to worship God--something I hope to one day attain to.

Brrr..it's getting really cold in here. I can't spare gas to run the car/heater while I type, so I guess I'll end here. Goodnight cosmic void.

Cryptography

A melange of emotions showered me like the falling leaves. I can't decide whether I felt washed clean, or covered to drowning.

It was one of those "this was supposed to be 'the day'", but you both knew the anticipated arrival was not coming. Remembering an event that will never happen again in your lifetime--but only ever again in others'.

Reading words the writer and reader knew weren't true, yet both keeping up the facade and pretending each thought the other was telling the truth. Wanting closure and peace. Finality.

Being happy and celebratory while being "hit" every now and then with the remembrance of a memory that never even happened.

Being told "the numbers are really small and the chances are really against you, but sometimes it does happen".

Sitting around a table with people who were integral in an almost magical and surreal time in your life, then almost as instantly out of your life again--but back to remember and keep the relationship and the memories thriving.

Plans stopping and changing on a dime.

Running your fingers over raised print that probably only means something to you and one other person in the world, and relishing the feeling of the font.

Thankful for preservation, yet angry at injustice. Guilty for stupidity and outraged at unfairness. Sad and mourning, yet relieved and safe. Wondering what the lesson is and why the need for it.

Encouraged from every direction, and getting nervous that a shoe is about to drop because things are "too good".

There are more leaves deciding what color they will end up before making the leap from tree to terra. Maybe I should wait a little longer and see how they land before sifting through my emotional potpourri again.

101 views

Yesterday something pretty small (but pretty big to me) happened over at LAB. I had 101 views. I've been wanting to break 100. I get taunted all the time by daily stats of 91 or 93 or 97 views, but never was able to hurl over the 100 mark.

It's no big deal to anyone else but me. It was a little piece of affirmation on a day when I needed to know that not everything is screwed up. And that something I enjoy doing is being enjoyed by others as well.

Just another manic Monday

[I wrote this a few days ago. I'm so glad I captured this moment because where I was on Tuesday as opposed to where I am now, I'm so thankful that things have gone onward and upward from Tuesday's little episode captured below]

Driving two-thirds of my kids to preschool today, I was internally telling myself over and over again, it’s OK. You can do this.

I was envisioning myself telling the kids’ teachers–I’m having a bit of a psychotic break today. I wasn’t sure it was safe for me to be driving. I was aware. I was overly aware. I was dangerously stuck in hyper-awareness gear and it wasn’t a good thing.

My mind was racing with thoughts in all directions all at the same time. All I could think was manic. panic. manic. this is mania. i’m having a manic episode. I can’t slow down, yet I can’t go fast enough. I have so many things to do, I have to get so many things done. I need to go, go, go, do, do, do. I can’t slow down–there’s no time to breathe.

I thought–I can’t wait to write a post–get this all out. See if I can sort things out. Sit in one spot to write an entire post. I need to write. I need to sit. It’ll slow me down.

At group, we talk about doing one thing each day. Not a million grandiose things. One thing. Like getting the baby dressed. Like brushing our teeth. Like reading one page of a book or magazine. I need to focus on one thing, but I can’t seem to zone in on just one thing when there are so many things all vying for my attention.

I remember Diane telling people that during some of her worst times, family or friends would sit across the table from her and help her take just one bite of food. I wish I had someone directing me. Sitting me down. Helping me sort my muddled mind. Slowing me down. Helping me breathe, drink water, eat a meal from start to finish, a real meal–not just the crusts and leftovers off of my kids’ plates.

I have one hour before preschool pickup. Now that I have sat down and written, I’m feeling a little bit more centered. The laundry is in the dryer. I need to make a grocery list, clean up the basement, unpack from the weekend, make up our bed, clean up toys, rake leaves, edit this post, tag and link it, find a strawberry cake recipe, bank deposit, grocery shop, figure out dinner, and solve all the problems of the entire world–all within this one hour.

I know I’m causing a lot of my own stress, but I haven’t figured out how to take the money off my own back–I only know how to keep putting it back up on there.

Ima Dorik

Since I had showered, brushed my hair, and (gasp) put makeup on today, I asked Dan to take a picture of me by the princess cake I frosted for Elli's birthday tomorrow.

Then we got a little silly and carried away.

A cake fit for a (very fiscally-minded) princess

My daughter’s 3rd birthday is today. She saw a princess cake in Miejer about 6 months ago and declared that she wanted/demanded that cake for her birthday.

Being a good mommy actress, I flipped through the pages of the cake-book until I found her princess cake–really I just wanted to see how much it would cost. I’m not positive this is correct, but the number $29.99 sticks in my mind. Maybe it was $36.99?

I remember helping my mom make cakes like this for me when I was a little girl, so I figured I’d save us $30 and make the cake myself.

While in Toys “R” Us registering for our kids’ Christmas list a few weeks ago, I looked to see how much a Barbie doll costs these days. First of all, you can’t really find just a plain Barbie doll–they all have a theme, are dressed “as someone”, and/or come with an extra outfit/accessories (aka “unnecessary stuff”). The cheapest Barbie-looking Barbie I could find was $12.99!

Since $12.99 is more than 1/3 of the $29.99 cake, I decided to get creative. I asked my mom if she’d be willing to dig through a tub of old toys from when I was a kid and see if any of my old Barbie dolls were usable. She found one that I hadn’t given a haircut or wasn’t covered in crayon shavings and brought it out at her last visit.

We’re making a whole foods strawberry cake from scratch–I had to put out $3.99 for organic strawberries. I’ll make buttercream frosting–thankfully Spartan butter is only $1.77 this week and my mom bought a 5 lb bag of 10x sugar last time she was here. I have all the other ingredients on hand and will do my best with what I have in the way of food colorings, piping bags and tips, and lacy/pearly/shiny/princessy accessories.

Although I’m sure the $29.99 cake would be picture perfect, our $6 version will be made with cup fulls of laughs (I hope not too many tears?), a sprinkling of fond memories, and lots and lots of love. You can buy the cake, but you can’t buy the love at Meijer. (Unless your mom is the Meijer birthday cake-baker/decorator.)

The Gift Shop Guild

A long time ago, I was asked to speak to the Spectrum Health Gift Shop Guild. Tomorrow is my "big day".

Apparently I'll get to eat lunch with the ladies from the guild, then I have twenty minutes to share with them about PPD. Twenty minutes is hardly enough to introduce myself!

Chris, the facilitator from the Spectrum Health "This isn't what I was expecting" postpartum emotional adjustment group, will introduce me then read an excerpt from Brooke Shields' book, Down Came the Rain.

I asked her to read the part where Brooke envisions herself throwing her baby against a wall, the baby hitting the wall, sliding down, and becoming a blob on the floor. I think it's probably the most poignant and startling section of her book that resonated with me, at least.

I'm not sure what I'll say. I hope I don't get up in front of these ladies and blubber. I hope I don't bore them into an alzheimatic disorientation. I hope I speak coherently, concisely, frankly. I hope I say things that will speak to them, give them insight into the world of today for a woman trying to overcome a temporary and mysterious mental illness, and spur their guild to allocate funds to enhance the care for new families dealing with postpartum mood disorder complications.

I'll let you know how it goes...

...the little one stops to climb a tree...

She's almost 3. We're already plotting the birthday cake. A strawberry cake "skirt" with a Barbie stuck down the middle of the cake. We're still waffling between blue or pink icing for her gown...I'm almost positive she'll pick pink--then change her mind and cry that she wanted blue as soon as I'm done frosting it with pink. That'll be par for the course.

Ellison Jennaye. Dan picked the "Ellison", and her middle name was going to be "Mabel" but because she was our "last baby", I wanted to give her a semblance of my name, so changed it to Jennaye whilst the Dr. was sewing me up.

I've had the hardest time bonding with Elli. Lots of reasons--most of them just for me to ponder and guard. And she's going through the most traumatic season of her young emotional life thus far. And I'm afraid we're really struggling and oftentimes failing at loving and parenting her in the way she needs us because we just can't understand what it is that she needs and I don't think she's capable of telling us what she needs yet, either. Hopefully, we'll just continue loving and being patient while we learn each others' ups and downs.

I pray that three will see dry all the way through the night. An easy transition to (paci)fier-less. More singing and dancing and less screaming, tantrums, shouting, and irrational and unnecessary drama. Confidence in herself. Standing up straight and facing fears. Learning more and more songs and lessons about Jesus, and feeling his comforting presence in her life even if she doesn't fully comprehend and understand who and why He is here. Being a peacemaker. Being happy. Being obedient right away. Being stubborn and strong-willed, but in a good way. Independence tempered with lots of snuggling, hugs, and "mom, I want you". No rash on her face, a few more pounds, inches, and a thick head of hair. But most of all health, stability, and the knowledge that no matter what, she is loved.

One thing at a time

Driving two-thirds of my kids to preschool today, I was internally telling myself. "it's OK. You can do this.".

I was imagining telling the kids' teachers--"I'm having a bit of a psychotic break today."

My mind was racing with thoughts in all directions all at the same time. All I could think was "manic. this is mania. i'm having a manic episode. I can't slow down, yet I can't go fast enough. I have so many things to do, I have to get so many things done. I need to go, go, go, do, do, do. I can't slow down--there's no time to breathe."

I thought--I can't wait to write a post--get this all out. See if I can sort things out. Sit in one spot to write an entire post.

At group, we talk about doing one thing each day. Not a million grandiose things. One thing. Like getting the baby dressed. Like brushing our teeth. Like reading one page of a book or magazine. I need to focus on one thing, but I can't seem to zone in on just one thing when there are so many all vying for my attention.

I remember Dian explaining that family or friends would sit across the table from her and help her take just one bite of food. I wish I had someone directing me. Sitting me down. Helping me sort my muddled mind. Slowing me down. Helping me breathe, drink water, eat a meal from start to finish, a real meal--not just the crusts and leftovers off of my kids' plates.

I have one hour. Now that I sat down and wrote, I'm feeling a little bit more centered. There's laundry in the dryer. I need to make a grocery list, clean up the basement, unpack from the weekend, make up our bed, clean up toys, rake leaves, edit this post, tag and link it, bank deposit, grocery shop, figure out dinner, fix the tarp on the grill that keeps banging the side of the house every time the wind blows, and solve all the problems of the entire world--all within this one hour before I go pick the kids up from preschool.

I know I'm causing my own stress, but I haven't figured out how to take the monkey off my own back--I only know how to keep putting it there.

30 ROCKs my world

30 has been an odd year for me. For some reason I've done things I've never done before or things that have never happened to me have happened all in this one year.

First time stung by a bee
First time using an airplane restroom
First time to Africa
First time wiring money
First time teaching a Sunday school class
First time felling a tree using ropes and an ax
First time I've written something every day (so far at www.lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com)
First time I've called a Senator's office--and I called 2!
First time to apply for a job I didn't get
First time to make a princess birthday cake all by myself
First time taking a child to the ER
First time to run a generator (haven't done it yet--but it's scheduled for next week)


I still have never used an ipod yet, though.

Rustling leaves

This might be one of your last chances to listen to the leaves rustling in the wind. The corduroy cold it starting to settle in and there’s talk of snow whispering in my ears.

Enjoy the last few vestiges of fall while you can. Breathe deeply of the cool, refreshing air. Gulp in lungfulls of its freshness, for the time to go inside and hunker down deep for winter is coming soon. (thanks to Dan for this great fall photo)

Mean mommy

I'm so bummed! Dan didn't upload the photo I wanted to use in this post.

Anyway--he captured a great shot of me with my hands held out cupped and one of the kids dropping in all the "banned" candies from their piles. Banned list includes:
~ Gum
~ Hard Candy
~ Caramel squares
~ Atomic Fireballs
~ Anything larger than "snack size"
~ Laffy Taffy
~ Airheads
~ Bit O Honey
~ Mary Jane
~ Gummy fangs
~ Satanic tattoos (I KNOW--aren't I so totally closed-mided?)
~ Any lollies larger than a Dum-Dum

Some went to church with Dan, some went in the trash, and some went up in the "adult stash" of candy. Hey--you gotta do what you gotta do.

I just love that my kids have not asked for a single piece of candy. Halloween is so done and past for them. They are great kids. What Elli? Yes, you can have another Organic baby carrot. Hang on, Liam, I'm getting you another stalk of celery. Addi, it's OK, mommy can get more pesticide-free broccoli. What full-size pack of Kit-Kats? I'll take care of you later...

Fall Fotos

Liam singing "There's a spider on my nose, on my nose..." at preschool


Elli singing "Twinkle twinkle little bat" at preschool


Addison outside running through the leaves

Call your Senator today re: MOTHER'S Act

TODAY (October 24th) is an important day. Today is the day devoted to trying to pass the MOTHER'S act through the senate. The MOTHER'S act will provide funding on a national level for Perinatal mood disorder screening and grants for research. It passed the house with only 3 no votes.

Please call your senators TODAY. I have included our senators' numbers and a script. Even if you don't call today, call tomorrow, or sometime.

Levin (D) 202-224-6221
Stabenow (D) 202-224-4822

Script:

I am (your name) from (Your town) and I am one of your constituents. I am calling to urge you to co-sponsor the very important MOTHER'S Act to provide for Postpartum Depression Screening, funding, and research.

[If you would like to tell about your friend Jenna Scott who has suffered from perinatal mood disorders three times over, I give you all the permission in the world to do so.]

Thank you,

(your Name)

This is so important...please help us make a difference for all families and mothers:)

In the vein

Last week I found myself overflowing with words. I wrote every minute I could so that I wouldn't lose my trains of thought. I got about 2 weeks worth of posts started or completed.

I thought "Somethin' Sexy 'bout the Ring" was one of my better pieces of writing. As I continue to hone my creative writing skills, I think I need to open myself up to the painful reality of feedback. I'm trained for technical/professional communication (like flight manuals, press releases, regurgitating information, etc.) so these pieces are a new experience for me, and one with which I must admit I have no further training than high school English.

I'm going to open this piece up to criticism from all sides. I'd appreciate specific comments. (Of course I'd appreciate positive comments, but I learn best from things I need to "fix" or improve)

For example: the phrase "husky, musky, dusky rollicking rhythms of country music" seemed too contrived. Maybe you could make it a little more smooth and natural by ______

thanx 2 alls of You for learning me on how's I ken rite gooder;

History in the making

October 15th at 4:15 PM, perinatal mental health history was made as H.R. 20, The Melanie Blocker Stokes Postpartum Depression Research and Care Act, was passed in the House of Representatives by a vote of 382 - 3!! What a thrill it was to watch from the Congressional Gallery as Congressman Bobby L. Rush made his final, victorious push for American women, children and families.

This has been the result of SEVEN YEARS of steadfast advocacy. The bill will now proceed to the Senate where it will join forces with The MOTHERS Act.

On October 24, I'll be posting a special blog here and on LAB with numbers and e-mail contacts to call or write our local senators to make sure they know we are interested in seeing this bill pass. I know I sure am. I would be thrilled to request some grant $$ to help fund LAB, and would love to see more research being done, more screening and more help for perinatal mood disorders.

Ok, have I become more Dan or has he become more me?

What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Book Snob You like to think you're one of the literati, but actually you're just a snob who can read. You read mostly for the social credit you can get out of it.
Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm
Literate Good Citizen
Dedicated Reader
Fad Reader
Non-Reader
What Kind of Reader Are You? Create Your Own Quiz

Ohhhhhhwah. I'm the same as Dan.

Yes, I'm humming Britney

+

I'm addicted to you (Koeze's Cream-Nut PB slathered on top of Oreo DS's, not Britney)
Don't you know that you're toxic

How much do Popsicles cost?

(A) about 50 cents if purchased in a box from the grocery store

(B) $1.50 from the ice cream truck

(C) $2-3 at an ice cream stand

(D) probably over $100 when dispensed from the Emergency Room at Metro Health hospital when your 4-year old splits his lip on the deck stairs of his grandparents' new cabin but thankfully he doesn't need sutures just a Popsicle

Relief

I attempt to post a new blog each day over at LAB. Whether I write the post or someone else does, it's still a LOT of work.

I've been typing and mouse-clicking my wrists carpal the past week in order to not only get a post up each day this week, but also to have all my posts for next week written, illustrated, linked, tagged, and timestamped so they will be auto-published this coming week.

Now, I can sit back and enjoy my parents for the weekend knowing that my work is done. For now. I have to get back to the daily tapping again on Friday.

Edgy and Scandalous

So I posted this picture on the LABlog in a book review.

I was told, "you can't post that", "too much skin", "not in poor taste, but edgy".

What do you think? Have I gone too far? Have I said/pictured what everyone else was thinking but too chicken to admit? Or is this really in poor taste. I'm sure I could find a picture of the Country Crock hands touching that might be a little less skintimate?

Congrats to G and Kara!

The Queen's daughter

Elli has been into princesses lately. I know! That is SO UNIQUE. No little girls play princess, right?

Anyway. Besides wanting to be called "Cinderella" (I keep trying to call her CinderElli, but she inSISTS that it is CinderELLA) and prancing around 12 hours a day in the blue princess dress a friend from church gave us, here she is pretending to be "Aurora". More commonly known as Sleeping Beauty.

Movies I've watched recently

Dan's been working a lot lately...a LOT...



The Painted Veil: One of the most poignant portrayals of love and human nature I have seen captured on film.

The Hours: There is beyond amazing acting in this soul-quaking, line-crossing, life-depicting film.

The Life and Death of Peter Sellers: This depiction of his life was so bizarre it HAD to be true--no one could make that kind of stuff up. Geoffrey Rush is surreal.















Cellular: Unfortunately, I lost signal after only 25 minutes and had to "hang up" on this one. (Alt- "You lost me at hello"--eh?) Kim B--what are you doing?















Because I Said So: A lot over the top, but I just really like Diane Keaton as an actress. Mandy just isn't my kind of candy.
















White Oleander: Riveting, hauntingly dark, revealing, mind-bending, heart-rending. Michelle P is beautifully wicked while Allison L knocked my shoes, socks, and toenails off with her performance.














The Prestige: Oh, I was watching closely. How can you not? Fantastic.

Sometimes I do weird things

like clothespin two large, red, ripe tomatoes from my tomato plants onto our next door neighbor's tomato plant that is scrawnier than Charlie Brown's Christmas tree and has no chance in hell of producing a red, ripe, juicy tomato--much less two of them.

Morning shower mentations

~I didn't think I'd be utilizing you again this season my doubly-sharp-lipped, rubber-gripped nemesis

~Conditioner first, then shampoo. Conditioner, oh, what a treat!

~Should I close my eyes and try to find things just by feel in order to challenge and wake up my brain? Probably not. I'd probably drop everything and have Dan and the kids worried that either I was having a temper tantrum and throwing things in the shower or that something was wrong and I had keeled over in the shower

~What's something fun I can do with the girls while Liam's at school today? Paint nails? No—too much work and mess. Make banana bread? Mmmmmmmm...banana bread.......

~(that led me to) Bread—best bread I've ever eaten....hmmmmm...has to be a grilled cheese sandwich on thick-sliced homemade sourdough bread slathered in butter with melty Canadian cheddar cheese at a pub in Stratford—that I split with my friend Abigail because we were in college and so darn poor that's all we could afford off the menu. We split meals the entire week—I've never been so hungry in all my life!

~Stratford—that was so much fun. Seeing the guy who played “Gilbert Blythe” in the Anne of Green Gables movies live on stage as Romeo in Romeo and Juliet. It was a slight letdown that he was kinda old, hair getting sparse, and had a beer belly—but all the girls were still swooning anyway. “Aw, Gil.”

~My friend Abigail and I were brilliant for skipping the Shakespeare history play in order to explore the town. I remember finding coat hooks in the shape of horseshoes for my mother's “Colorado room”, a mug that says “KING” on it for Dan—I almost bought “Queen” for me, but again the money factor and I didn't want to presume anything in case this relationship didn't pan out—as well as a whimsical jester-ish looking Christmas ornament to give Dan for Christmas. Funny how in those days all I wanted to do was buy things for Dan—I think my love language is giving gifts.

~At the Stratford Festival (besides today my wearing the white undershirt Dan started out with but I ended up wearing in bed last night) was one of the last times I remember wearing Dan's clothes. I borrowed some nice heavy sweaters from him to “keep me warm”, but really because I liked smelling him on my clothes and thinking of him while away from him. Those were some great sweaters—but I think we got rid of them all because they were so huge—they were during his “wear everything big” phase...

~Hi Elli—what's up? Do you need to go potty? No? Oh, Okay. Yes, I'm taking a shower. Yup, I just washed my hair. Yes—that's my towel. No, daddy won't use my towel, he wants one that's fresh and clean all for himself. Oh, you liked your purple Shrek yogurt for breakfast? Yup—I'm all done. I turned the water off. Oh, thank you for handing me my towel. OK—I think daddy needs you in the kitchen. I'll come out when I'm dressed.

~Face and body lotion—this is going to be one great day!

Christian sex book review

Yes, this is the same post that is on the LABlog right now. But I worked really hard on it! It looks better on the LABlog, so please check it out over there. There are pictures!

So I took a day at the library to do all kinds of LAB stuff, and worked really hard on writing this book review. After I was done, I started inserting the pictures and somehow got an extra box in there, and while trying to delete it out of the HTML code I somehow accidentally deleted half of the written content! D'arvit! (Anyone else read the Artemis Fowl series?) So, I re-wrote what I had deleted, but it wasn't quite as good as it was the first time around, but it's still OK. Take a look.

Warning: This book (and review) contains adult sexual content.Is There Really Sex After Kids?

When this book started out with,

Hi, I'm Jill Savage. My husband, Mark, and I have been married nineteen years, nine of them happily.

I smelled honesty. I knew I would enjoy reading the truths that were sure to emanate from the ensuing pages.

I almost skipped the first chapter, "God Created Sex!" (I thought--oh this is gonna be boring), but I'm glad I didn't. It was a good reminder that sex begins with "Into Me See" (intimacy)--the non-sexual side of your relationship rooted in conversation, trust, and vulnerability. And how juicy the book of Song of Solomon is--and that's in the Bible!

Jill honestly lists the most prevalent intimacy inhibitors (aka "excuses") and gives suggestions on how to unpack them. Here's a quick list--see if any of them apply to you:

* Media--movies, novels, magazines, and TV setting up unrealistic (s)expectations and scenarios that you and your partner will never meet
* Slang terminology--words and phrases that dirty up, cheapen and demean the sexual relationship. (That doesn't mean you and your spouse can't have secret pet names or secret vocabulary that you use in private conversation--whew, right love muffin?)
* Parental instruction about sex (sorry mom and dad)--things like:
o "We don't talk about that in this house"
o " You don't have sex before you get married"
o "Sex is something you endure, dear"
o "Sex is okay before marriage as long as you are responsible"
* Baggage that comes of previous relationships--such as anger, jealousy, fear, shame, guilt, mistrust, or previous sexual encounters
* Religion--no one ever discussing the "elephant in the room" or giving an unbalanced view of how a sexual relationship is designed to work
* Poor conflict resolution skills such as sulking at lack of attention, "ice queen", slamming doors, cutting remarks, "every thing is fine" when it really isn't, passive-aggressive behaviors, withholding sex or affection, never admitting a wrong, refusing to say "I'm sorry; will you please forgive me?"

Jill also stalwartly introduces the major challenges that abortion, sexual abuse, affairs, pornography and sexual addiction, and men who refuse to seek help proffer.

In the chapter called "And then I had kids", Jill gives it to us straight. Being the nurturer or being touched all day, fatigued, sleep-deprived, nursing, experiencing sexual side-effects (aka "numb from the waist down") of medication, in a birth control dilemma, distracted by your children, physically or mentally feeling unattractive (aka un-showered or still harboring baby weight), or having a hard time switching from "mom" to "wife", are all legitimate excuses and inhibitors to intimacy. But an unacceptable way of life. Jill encourages us that:

While you and I might want to push "pause" on the marriage button during the childbearing and childrearing years, we cannot succumb to the temptation. Building intimacy in our marriage must be a priority during these years. How do we do that? Turn to the next chapter and let's find out.

I love the next chapters. First Jill suggests we all go out and buy a copy of “Sex Begins in the Kitchen: Because Love is an All-Day Affair" for our guys! Kitchen time is an intentional plan to set aside time each day--despite the demands of children--to talk, communicate, reconnect, and plan out the rest of the day/evening. She's also a firm believer in weekly or bi-weekly dates. I have friends who do this religiously and I give them kudos for making each other a priority--it takes work and money to make these dates happen--but the marriage payoff is priceless.

In the juiciest chapter of the book, "Let me Please You: Understanding the Concept of Pleasuring", came my greatest revelation. Let me quote:

Did you know that God gave you, as a woman, a part of your body that has no other purpose than sexual pleasure? While doing research for this book, I ran across this statement by Dr. Rosenau, "the clitoris is given to the female solely for sexual pleasure." I reread this over and over---struck by its significance. Did you realize how important this is to understanding God's design for sex, feeling comfortable with our sexuality, and moving past inhibitions? We need to know that God created a part of our bodies exclusively for sexual pleasure. That little sentence says a lot! Clifford and Joyce Penner put it this way: "The fact that the clitoris in the woman is unique in its function of receiving sexual stimuli...is confirmation that God intended women to be intensely sexual beings, not just 'vaginas' as recipients of the man's sexual expression."

Now that is not something you've ever heard in church before! I also appreciate the honesty and thorough explanations Jill gives about "touchy subjects" like orgasms, the mess of sex, sex during menstruation, oral sex, quickies, masturbation, anal sex, and what's "not okay" in bed.

I definitely recommend that you read this book if you, like me, have struggled to feel sexy, sexual, desirable, or just plain have the energy it takes to be mentally and physically intimate with all the demands and challenges children bring into our homes. An easy and honest read, Jill gives great practical advice on things both you and your partner can do to deepen intimacy (aka great chats over steamy mugs of hot cocoa resulting in a sparkle in your partner's eye and and a racing heartbeat of your own!)

OK, I'm out

So last week I'm just getting out of the shower when I hear Dan's phone ring. He picks up (despite being "on duty" with the 3 kids) and I hear him talking in a gentle voice I haven't heard from him in a long time.

I'm listening to the tones in his voice and the responses he's giving when I realize he's talking about me. And the love and gentility with which he's responding to whoever he's talking to touches me to the core of my being.

I toweled off and dressed as slowly and quietly as I could so as to listen in as long as possible. I could not figure out who in the world he was on the phone with and what in the world this conversation was all about.

I emerged from the bathroom and mouthed "who is it?" to Dan. He tipped the phone away from his mouth and mouthed "my mother" to me. Then, I got quite choked up.

I realized that this was a big moment for me. Let me back up a bit.

A few weeks ago Dan's sister and brother-in-law came out for a visit. I corralled them into helping me with childcare for a LAB meeting. When they returned to NJ, they relayed what they had done and a little bit about the LAB group and meeting they had witnessed that evening.

On a subsequent phone call Dan's mom asked Dan a little more about the group, and Dan mentioned that we even had a website up for the group. Little did he know his mom would look it up and start reading.

Back to this week's after-shower phone call. As Dan's mom was reading, she simply felt that she had to call. She said she was crying, smiling, and just moved. She previously had no idea what all the postpartum "stuff" we were going through entailed, and she wished she had known while we were in the throes of it so they could have been praying more, helping more, being here more.

She said what we were doing by starting a group and sharing our lives on the blog was so brave, so commendable, that my writing was so good. You will never know how much these accolades mean to me unless you know about the rocky start to my in-law relationship, and how amazingly far this relationship has healed and grown thanks to God's unfathomable grace. I never thought we would be friends or that I would be able to call her "mom", but both of those have happened so organically.

I'm so relieved to know they know. And now I know that they know I know they know, I have a new arm of support that I can lean on and be authentic with--for better or for worse.

Q: What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?

A: Kick him in the patoot and tell him to keep washing.
So I'm sitting here typing and looking at old pictures while Dan is washing dishes.
It's wonderful.
He's wonderful.
Having a working dishwasher is wonderful too, though...

Plumb awesome

So these four tiny, tooth-looking plastic pieces called dog agitators (or dog agits) were all we needed for our washing machine to agitate and wash our clothes properly.

We could have called a repair person and probably paid well over $100 for them to come trouble-shoot, replace the part, and pay for the labor (and these days everyone is charging an extra "fuel surcharge"--what's up with that?). But instead we ordered these dog agits online for $5 and thought we'd try to fix it ourselves before putting out the big bucks or risking having to view a plumber-butt.

It took us about 45 min to remove the old, worn smooth dog agits (we couldn't find the washing machine manual anywhere, so we just had to figure it out how to remove them on our own).

It me took 45 minutes and a skewer to replace the new ones. It would have been a lot less time if I could have remembered which direction they needed to face...oh well! Lots of trial and error.

Now the washing machine is humming along on the first of many...many...many loads to come. There are at least 7 piles downstairs waiting. But at least we didn't mess up the budget for this month with an unexpected plumbing bill!

Just a taste

of what I did today:

cinnamon raisin toast for breakfast
got dressed
got kids dressed
went to farmer's market
got landscaping advice
chowed a bite of lunch
made sausage egg casserole
made homemade cinnamon rolls
one load of laundry
trouble-shoot and take apart washing machine
talked to Dad on the phone
broke candle
cleaned up glass
send Dan to store for milk, creamer, vinegar and library for movies
chopped veggies for pasta salad bar dinner
“assisted” Liam and Elli in cleaning their rooms
vacuumed first floor
vacuumed lower level
poop scoop
watered vegetables
CLR and vinegar through coffee maker
CLR and vinegar through dishwasher
1 load of dishes washed and put away
scoured kitchen table and counter tops
shook out rugs
swept floors
Addi bath
called brother to plan food tasting prep schedule
reorganized pantry shelves
kids in PJ's
brush Encore
take out trash
e-mail LAB volunteers
swing with Addi on swingset
write LAB post
police getting-out-of-bed kids
make excessively long list
eat cookies and watch movie
read book
sleep...I hope...there's so much more to do tomorrow!