I was wandering the library shelves and happened upon this video. From 2008--yet I had never heard of it? I scanned the back and saw the word "adoption" and decided to bring it home.

Dan and I threw it in around 10:30pm last night. We were both exhausted and folding 2 loads of laundry. I said, "let's watch it for 10-15 minutes and see if it's worth finishing".

We watched the entire thing.

This was a swell little flick. Quirky. Lots of almost creepy whispering--but maybe we just had it turned down too soft? Just ankle-deep in adoption themes. Yet, strangely allegorical to a lot of facets of adoption in the reading we've been doing.

Amazing how quick and easy the adoption seemed to go for John Cusack's character (they must not have needed to show all the paperwork and waiting)--unless that was due to his character's sci-fi writer celebrity status?

The only thing I would have changed--I wish at the end he would have added the other side of the spectrum to his plea to talk his little Martian down from the planetarium rooftop.

Instead of saying "they were so stupid"( in reference to the parent(s) who abandoned him) I wish he would have said, "either they were the smartest people in the world for choosing to give you up for a better chance at life, or the stupidest for not realizing how wonderful you are and keeping you all for themselves".

Unexpected

My parents taking all 3 kids overnight. I've never had this luxury before. I've never had parents who lived close enough to help us out in this way. Who want to be with our kids and are excited to get to spend time with them.

I'm jealous of all the others who get "free babysitting" or can just drop their kids off at the grandparents at the drop of a hat, I've felt so very trapped and ball-and-chained to my kids for 5 years now. I have a feeling that as soon as I get home to a quiet house I'll sit there in stunned silence and get not a single thing I've dreamed or fantasized about doing done because I'm so in shock. And then they'll be back...and I'll still be sitting un-showered in my PJ's wishing I could do it all over again.

"I would have to say April 25...

...Because it's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket." (10 pts)

It is gor-juss outside today. So I'm sitting on the front lawn watching my kids and their stuffed toys bike, skate and scoot-board, fiddle with the sprinkler, and shove each other then hug and make up whilst doing some work on the computer. And feeling so super content I could just about burst.

A lot of people came and went while we were on our road trip/vacation to Cape Cod, then a stop in Canada on the way back home. Friends, co-workers, acquaintances. It was a much easier transition being gone and not having to go through saying goodbyes, I must admit.

I'm frankly excited to see what the changes bring. I love mixing it up. If it weren't for our foray away from our hometown, we wouldn't be where we are today. Know the people who are shaping our lives in such a positive way. Be doing amazing things with God because we're meeting Him where He's working. Fill the holes others left open because they were willing to go. Invite fresh eyes and ears to creative processes for Dan at work. Flux bringing newness and variety--spicing up life for us all.

I'm excited to see LAB take on a new personality and format under Diane's passionate and super-organized guidance. I'm looking forward to meeting more people in my community by attending MOPS at a different church. I'm a little nervous to join a WW small group this year and really be held accountable by weekly Bible study and open sharing. I'm ecstatic that Liam's going to kindergarten because I know how much I loved school and see that love of learning in him too. I'm excited for a few months of concentrated "girl time" with Elli and Addi before #4 comes from Ethiopia. I'm trilling and tra-la-la ing at the next level our marriage seems to be climbing to with Dan. I love seeing my parents more often now that they have a second home in MI. I'm looking forward to a nephew being born and praying for a sister's pregnancy to happen. So many wonderful things are happening to us right now that I feel like a braggart, but we must be standing "under the spout where the blessings come out" right now.

What a place to be. I'll miss these lazy days of summer. I'll miss last year's roles and routines. But only a tiny bit--I'm looking forward to what each tomorrow brings and reveling in the todayness of today.

Is this a celebrity sighting?

Seriously--it's like I'm trying to hide out...
and I'm on a private beach!

My new favorite spaghetti sauce

Ingredients & Nutrition

Italian Sausage

Packed full with our fresh Italian Sausage, this sauce explodes with flavor!

This sauce has been carefully hand-crafted, using the finest meat, herbs and spices as a bold complement to your pasta, rice & breads.

You won't believe what it will do for your Lasagna!

Absolutely the best tasting Sausage Sauce!

Granted, the ingredient list starts off with water and tomato paste, so it's really nothing special. But for some reason this is the sauce that my homemade sausage, pepperoni and cheese pizza bread tastes the best dipped in.

Yes, it's normally $4.99 a bottle and no I never buy it at full price. While at D&W on a frantic tahini run, I saw jars of this sauce on the end-cap on sale for $2.99. I also saw a little coupon hanging around the neck of various jars for $1.00 off the purchase of a jar of sauce. So, I grabbed 4 jars (with the coupons on them of course) and staggered up to the express lane with my precariously-perched glass jars and spent $8 on what is usually $20 of spaghetti sauce.

To quote Elton John...

It's sad, its so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

I've just been so sad lately. Beating myself up for failing as a friend, sister, mentor, mom, wife, daughter of God et al. I had a chance. I tried. Well, kinda. When it got hard, I bailed. It's hard to fight Satan, he's so strong and knows my weaknesses oh too well.

When I got rejected, I took it personally. I failed to see to the deeper need of the people I was called to serve and succumbed early on in the fight by letting a mere flesh wound signal my retreat. My strong sense of justice called me to fight to help break a sad, sinful cycle of addiction. Unfortunately, the one I was fighting for didn't want out--it's easier to stay in the cycle than break free. But I was willing to help walk the wire. My help wasn't wanted. For that I am sorry. I have failed you and myself, God's heart and mine hurt for that.

The saddest part, there are children involved. There was a chance for the cycle to be broken while the kids were small enough that they wouldn't be ravaged by the consequences, the poor examples they have as their gauge of what it looks like to be a man of God, woman of God, husband and wife who have left their parents and are cleaving to each other as God ordained, a healthy marriage worth the work, the muck, facing and weathering the storms. Healthy parental relationships rather than co-dependent ones well into adulthood. A reality based on relativistic ego-centrist interests rather than in ...well, reality. Financial nooses being tied rather than blisteringly unraveled by hard work and determination.

I tried writing a letter, but after praying, asking around for some objective advice as to whether or not to actually send it, realized that it won't be read and understood, but just misconstrued once again.

So, most of us with frustrated hurting hearts who have tried to help, tried to follow the guidelines in Matthew 18 of confrontation, who have tried via Bible studies and accountability groups, painful and often one-sided friendships, asking tough questions, giving and giving some more, attempting to mirror Christ to these people feel that although we ought to be forming an intervention to prevent yet another disaster-in-the-making, but that we have no other recourse except to bring our love and worries before God's throne.

To beg Him to bolster them up in the course that they have chosen. To shield their children from the storms ahead and their heritage riddled with the "sins of the fathers". To surround them with people who will be allowed to ask the tough questions and keep pursuing these wounded hearts when the game gets tough, when they start to lose, and when they try to pick up their marbles and leave...again. To break the cycles of addiction, enablement, co-dependency, and selfishness. To open ears and eyes so the misleading babble of the beautiful One can be clearly delineated from the sometimes challenging charges of our Savior. For strength to turn head knowledge into heart knowledge and the courage to really and truly live it out.

May your journey bring you back to the heart of God.

For me, I pray forgiveness. That God will release me from harsh words and thoughts. From failures to say and do what He prompted when He prompted because I was afraid of the repercussions. That I can put the past failures as far away from me as He does. For true forgiveness to continue to happen. That I won't dwell on the past or revel in guilt. That as friends come in and out of my life, they will leave knowing God more and Jenna less. That I won't be hesitant to pursue real relationships with them because I have been hurt by others. That I won't lean on my own understanding, but always lean on God. That I'll continue to face my sins, shortcomings, and acknowledge them and grow from them--confessing them to God rather than stumbling and tripping all over them while cutting and bruising myself in the process.