Raw and potentially somewhat unpalatable

Do you ever think in “blog”? I do. I catch myself doing it all the time—so weird. I think of how I would describe a person or situation as I am in the midst of it. Oh, to have a blue tooth brain that could send my brilliantly written blogs straight to a computer as I am mentally composing them. Because of course, they always happen in the most inopportune places to whip out a keypad—Meijer, the shower, mini van, while standing at the stove, on a walk along the bike path.

Ennyhoo. I feel the need to rid myself of some bloughts (blog+thoughts—pronounced blots even though it might look like blouts) I’ve had lately.

• I’ve wanted to share something with my PPD group, but Dan didn’t even really get it when was trying to express it to him, so I might be better off keeping my mouth shut and not having everyone think I’m a raving religious loon. I feel like this crazy time warp I’ve been stuck in has been a great place of revelation for me. Not great as in "yay" and "woo-hoo", but like something monumental and large and of great import in my life. I was trying to tell Dan that as I’ve felt God the least these past few years, I’ve known He’s there the most, and that my faith is stronger for having moved out of the realm of feelings and into where faith is really faith—trusting in someone you can’t see, or feel, or hear, or relate to, or talk to, and at many times hardly believe is even real or personal or in my life. I’ve felt the same in our marriage as well. In a season where there’s been a severe drought of lovey dovey feelings for Dan, I know the most, maybe even more than I ever have, how deeply grounded and rooted and committed is my love for him. In my act of willing myself to love him despite not having the feelings of attraction or overwhelming infatuation I had in our first years of togetherness, in my choosing to know that I love him even when I don’t feel like I do--or when I just don't feel anything for anyone for long stretches of time. I think as I was bumblingly trying to explain this, I made him afraid that I no longer love God or him or myself or anyone or anything, and probably hurt his feelings in the process.

• IBS—yes, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Why has this been coming up so much lately? I talked to someone about it on the phone a few weeks ago, then it came up in the movie “The Lady Killers”, and most recently a fellow PP’er talked about BC managing her IBS. Weird. I’ve had a sour stomach for like a week now, and am purposely not looking IBS up on the internet because I’m sure I’ll research myself into having it.

• My inventions. First—a button that comes standard on every cell phone that you can push when it is ringing and you are 1) in the middle of another phone call 2) in the middle of a real-life conversation 3) in a place where you can’t answer your phone just then (like in a movie theater or restaurant where you have to step outside to answer) 4) driving and it’s not safe to pick up yet but will be in a minute—OK, you’re getting the point on the situations. OK, so when you press this button it plays a message for the person ringing in to say “I know you are calling and I will answer in just a minute but can’t answer the phone just yet so don’t hang up” and a few other lines to stall and let that person know you’re going to answer, you want to answer, you will answer, but you can’t just right then and there. Second, interactive book reading. Not like i-books. Like reading a real book that when you come to a word, allusion to a piece of music, art, place, name, smells, sounds, etc you can “hover” as in a mouse or something for a thumbnail of said object/experience. But the book still has to be paper, not electronic, and not weigh a million tons like most electronics do. So, there’s still some R&D to do on this one.

• (In Arnold Shwarzeneggerian) Dahn’t chu knowh dah Dewey de-see-mal seestem? So, I had Dan fax my application to the KDL HR center for a position they have open as a substitute Circulation Assistant. Why? Reasons: 1) I need some peace and quiet in my life. Where better to get that than in a library, right? I can shuush as good as anyone, nicely charge a fine, listen to excuses on why things are late, judge people’s stacks of resources that they are checking out, and am under the false impression I have given myself that I will get paid surf the web in utter silence and uninterrupted for hours on end. 2) My mom was a librarian and it would make her day if I did something she spent years of her life doing as well. 3) There’s an episode of That 70’s Show where Eric fantasizes that Donna is a hot librarian. Let’s just say Dan=Eric and I=Donna. 4) I’m a huge library user and supporter (thanks to all of Dan’s fines). 5) I’d love to do something in my community that I think is really worthwhile.

To be continued....