Friday, November 09, 2007

Cryptography


A melange of emotions showered me like the falling leaves. I can't decide whether I felt washed clean, or covered to drowning.

It was one of those "this was supposed to be 'the day'", but you both knew the anticipated arrival was not coming. Remembering an event that will never happen again in your lifetime--but only ever again in others'.

Reading words the writer and reader knew weren't true, yet both keeping up the facade and pretending each thought the other was telling the truth. Wanting closure and peace. Finality.

Being happy and celebratory while being "hit" every now and then with the remembrance of a memory that never even happened.

Being told "the numbers are really small and the chances are really against you, but sometimes it does happen".

Sitting around a table with people who were integral in an almost magical and surreal time in your life, then almost as instantly out of your life again--but back to remember and keep the relationship and the memories thriving.

Plans stopping and changing on a dime.

Running your fingers over raised print that probably only means something to you and one other person in the world, and relishing the feeling of the font.

Thankful for preservation, yet angry at injustice. Guilty for stupidity and outraged at unfairness. Sad and mourning, yet relieved and safe. Wondering what the lesson is and why the need for it.

Encouraged from every direction, and getting nervous that a shoe is about to drop because things are "too good".

There are more leaves deciding what color they will end up before making the leap from tree to terra. Maybe I should wait a little longer and see how they land before sifting through my emotional potpourri again.

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